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Post by chord on Jul 22, 2011 18:06:27 GMT -5
Hands fumbled in his pocket, looking for keys, rifling for the right one before shoving it into the lock. Chord had done that countless times, yet he felt nervous. He knew up and leaving Kayleigh the way he had wasn't right, but over the past few months he'd felt like he'd been drowning. He couldn't deal with any of the stress--of marriage or even handling a child. I mean, don't get me wrong he loved his daughter, but when he looked at her, he felt a nervous twisting in his stomach. All Chord wanted was for things to be easy again, like they had been in high school. When he didn't have to worry about bringing in a pay cheque, helping to pay rent, for groceries, for a child. And he felt worthless, busing tables while Kayleigh worked at a high power firm.
Taking in a deep breath, Chord pushed the door of his house open for the first time in weeks. He entered cautiously, peering around. In all honesty, he was just waiting for Kayleigh to throw something at him. Not like he'd blame her, he hadn't exactly acted like the best husband recently.
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 22, 2011 18:26:20 GMT -5
Getting pregnant and married so young were the last things on Kayleigh's mind before it had all happened. She'd been just barely seventeen when she found out she was going to be losing her life and taking care of a kid. Her parents had gotten married when they were young, so the fact that Kayleigh was pregnant made them push the marriage thing on her even more than they had before. It wasn't like they were even happily married in the first place. Things had been getting worse and worse at home for Kayleigh, especially when Chord just up and left. She had the solid job at a large business as a secretary, and Madison got to spend a lot of time with the other employee's kids in the nursery during hours that she worked. She loved her daughter more than anything in the world and it was killing her that her marriage was failing and Madison would never have a normal family.
The way Kayleigh had worded her reasoning had been completely wrong. She did love Chord, she just didn't feel it was enough for their marriage to last. Neither of them were going to be happy, and continuing their marriage just didn't feel right. It was going to torture both them and Maddy as she got older. Kayleigh thought back to how her life had been growing up, and it killed her to have to even picture Maddy going through the hell of her parents being more focused on their own problems than her. Sighing, Kayleigh put the last clean dish into the strainer as she heard the door open and shut. She looked over at Maddy in her high chair as she yelled out "Daddy!" Kay furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip, going over and picking the little girl up. "Daddy and I have to talk, honey. I think Mrs. Bunny wanted to have a teaparty, right?" Putting Maddy down, she watched the little girl giggling as she ran off to her room in the single floor house to have a tea party. She crossed her arms and headed over to the door way, leaning against it. "Hi."
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Post by chord on Jul 22, 2011 18:38:24 GMT -5
When Kayleigh had told him she was pregnant, there was only one thing that Chord thought was the right thing to do. He had gone to People's that day and bought the only ring he could afford. He'd taken her to the beach and proposed to her in the sand. None of it had seemed like a mistake to him at the time, but now that they were graduated. That they were in the real world, all the cracks in their relationship were starting to show. He hadn't wanted to hurt his wife or his daughter, but he knew it'd get worse if he sat around. Chord just thought if he took some time away, everything would fix itself. He had just needed to sort himself out and maybe come back to them a better person.
Chord heard the little screech of Madison and he couldn't help but smile. But then he heard her soft padding down the hall and into her bedroom--no doubt having been sent there by her mother. He sighed as he saw Nina. He still loved her, just may be not the same. He looked at her stance, arms crossed and he couldn't help but think that she looked ready for battle. "Hey." He said softly before walking past her and down the hall to Madison's room. He stepped inside, smiling at his daughter and getting on his knees, arms stretched out. "Come here, Mad Gab."
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 22, 2011 18:54:51 GMT -5
Kayleigh had picked up a bit of anger issues during and after the pregnancy. Her life had been perfect and then it was just ruined. Before graduation, it seemed like a pretty good idea to get married, because they loved each other and were going to be raising a family. Once they'd graduated though, reality hit. Life wasn't as great as she'd expected, and that killed her. She just wanted a happy marriage since her parents didn't have that. She still hated that her little sister was stuck with their parents, but there was nothing she could do. It wasn't like she was going to let her little sister move in with her, her husband, and their baby. Even if there was nothing to hide from her, she felt bad enough that Maddy had to deal with the drama of the divorce, let alone putting that on her sister. Besides, her sister had to fight her own battles and grow up through it just like Kayleigh had. Hopefully without picking up depression along the way like she had, though.
Dark brown eyes followed Chord's movements as he headed into Maddy's room. She followed behind a few steps, keeping her arms crossed. Seeing Maddy's excited reaction to her father, running into his arms excitedly, made tears slowly start to form in Kayleigh's eyes. She loved how he was a good father, it just hurt that their marriage couldn't be as good as they were parents. Even if nobody would believe it, Kayleigh knew that they were both good parents when it really came down to it. Feeling the tears ready to burst, Kay left Chord with Maddy and went into the kitchen, where she sat down at the table. Her elbows propped against the table, hands covering her face that was still clear of makeup from the shower she'd just recently gotten out of. Her wet hair draped down to cover the sides of her face, head pounding. Kayleigh felt absolutely miserable. She always put on a smile for Madison's sake, but she was miserable. She was so sick of fighting, of putting on a front.
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Post by chord on Jul 22, 2011 20:24:17 GMT -5
Chord was the type of guy that wore his heart on his sleeve. He didn't keep secrets. He was open and the type of guy that believed talking things out would work, because communication was the only thing that ever worked. He was the one to listen to Kayleigh's outbursts during her pregnancy with utter patience h'd held her when she cried and dealt with her random cravings. But slowly, he began to see Kayleigh was battling her own demons--the same ones he'd seen in his mother so long ago. It wasn't as easy for him to make her smile like he used to, and eventually his patience had run out. He would scream back at her when she did, he would come home and not speak to her but just go to bed. He was tired of the rut and the routine, but he had never tried to fix their problems either.
The twenty-year-old wrapped his arms around the little girl, picking her up. He kissed her on the forehead, asking her how she was. How her dolls were. What she had for dinner. Chord didn't talk to Madison like she was a little girl, instead he spoke to her the same as he'd talk to his own friends. After a few moments, he set her back down, promising to sing her a lullaby before leaving her room. Shrugging off his cardigan, Chord draped it on a couch before heading into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before sitting down at the table, opposite of Kayleigh. This wasn't the first time he'd seen her like this and it scared him. But what scared him more was the fact maybe it was his fault. "How are you coping?" His voice was soft, as he peered at her, eyebrows raised ever so slightly.
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 22, 2011 20:54:56 GMT -5
Kayleigh used to be the girl that was always smiling. She was open about everything, cracked jokes when the time was right, and made it to every party that was hosted. She'd been a cheerleader all through high school, up until senior year when she got pregnant. Life had never seemed hard other than at home, because at school stuff was simple. It was routine, and it kept her smiling because it was simple. Kay wished that she had simplicity again. Back when she didn't feel like she was going to bawl her eyes out every two seconds and the entire world didn't feel like it was crashing down. There had been a few times when she had wanted to cut herself, kill herself even, but she kept those thoughts as far away in her mind as she could. She had to be strong for Madison, even if that meant being completely broken and not showing it.
She knew that she should see someone. She should get some pills or something. The thing was, she didn't want to. She just wished that Chord could make her feel better like he used to be able to. Now, whenever she did see him, he made her want to cry because things just looked worse and worse from her point of view. It scared the hell out of her feeling this way, but it was just how it was. She looked at everything with a pessimistic point of view, instead of the optimism she grew up on. "Not well." There was no point in lying to him at this point. "I just feel like everything we worked for is turning out to be pointless, and it's killing me. But I don't want to be more stress on your life anymore. I'm just bringing both of us down, no matter how hard I try to feel better. I just.. I can't. Nothing works." Kayleigh stayed in her position. She felt too weak to move. "Which is why I filed for divorce. So you can be happy again like you deserve, because I'm obviously not helping."
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Post by chord on Jul 22, 2011 21:07:59 GMT -5
September 7th, 2006. 8:34am. School gymnasium. Chord could easily remember the date, time and place he'd first set eyes on Kayleigh. He had turned to his friend, punched him on the arm to get his attention before pointing at her not so subtly. 'She's going to be my girlfriend,' he'd said. And he'd been right. Chord did what he could to get her attention, sent her candy grams for Halloween, Christmas and Valentine's Day. He made sure she got the message, but he'd also made sure he could be her friend before he had asked her out. May 4th, 2006 at 11:11pm, he'd asked her to be his girlfriend as they'd lay on a blanket in her backyard looking at the stars. They'd been inseparable since, voted cutest couple in the yearbook. They were the couple everyone said would be married, have a family and grow old together. Chord knew they'd completed two of the three, and he was going to try his best for the third.
Chord listened to her intently as she spoke, his blue eyes focused on her. He had sat down ready to make sure she understood she still cared but as she spoke his features fell. Eyebrows that had once been raised began to furrow as he shook his head. He didn't agree with this one bit--Chord didn't want the divorce. "I'm going to be happy, we're going to be happy. Together. No divorce." He reached out to take her hand, cup his over her's. "Okay? I love you so much."
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 22, 2011 21:36:39 GMT -5
Kayleigh used to be able to name off certain dates and times of absolutely everything that had happened with the two of them. Her old journal had dates and times of everything. The first time she spotted him, the times he gave her stuff for holidays, the time he asked her out, their first hug, first time they held hands.. Their first kiss.. Their first time.. Everything. She'd started the list as soon as she'd seen him for the first time and told one of her friends she thought he was cute. 'So y'know that guy over there..? Yeah, I think he's cute. Don't take him.' Ever since middle school Kayleigh had staked claims on guys she liked. Otherwise, girls would take them away, especially her friends. But Chord was one guy she was not willing to lose a chance with. Everyone had figured they would be another couple that lasted a couple weeks then moved on, but they proved them wrong. By senior year, they were voted cutest couple in the senior picks, and everyone was sure they'd be together forever.
Don't get me wrong, Kayleigh wanted to be with Chord forever. She never wanted to lose him. She just felt like it would be so much easier to see him happy without her than to know that she was bringing him down with her on this nonstop plunge of depression. Her hands fell from her face, landing on the table and staying in place as a few tears slid down her cheeks. She nodded gently. "I.. Okay. I love you too, Chord. More than anything. I just want us to be happy.. For Madison to be happy.. I don't want her to hate her life like I did.. LikeIdo.."
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Post by chord on Jul 22, 2011 22:00:16 GMT -5
Chord and Kayleigh had hardly ever fought in high school--he'd made sure of it. If he heard himself raise his voice, he'd quickly take a breath and tell himself she didn't deserve to be treated that way. And he wasn't going to let himself lose her over something simple, like when they argued about Chord spending too much time with a girl. He'd quickly apologize, hold her until she calmed down too, and then talked about it. It had always worked. But as they grew older, Chord had stopped being scared about losing her. He was sure she was his forever, and so he stopped treating her with the same amount of care. And he was starting to see the wrong he did and he hated himself for it.
Kayleigh was bringing him down, it was true. He couldn't stand seeing her the way she was, but what he couldn't stand even more was the fact he wasn't able to help her. Maybe had he tried harder, but he didn't. Instead, Chord just receded into his own shell, far away from her. But he realized he was wrong, and stood up then to move next to her and wrap his arms around her. Because that's what people who love you do. They put their arms around you and hold you when you're not so lovable. "We're going to love each other like we used to. You're going to smile again like you used to. It's all going to be okay. It's going to be perfect again." He moved to cup her cheeks in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "I won't ever let that happen to her." Chord moved to kiss her forehead, closing his eyes and resting his lips there."I'm never going to let you cry again."
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 23, 2011 9:38:58 GMT -5
All through high school, Chord had kept Kayleigh feeling like she was on top of the world. He always knew just what to say, when to say it, and how to say it that kept her from blowing up. When she got pregnant, the depression didn't set in right away. She had been shocked, yes, but she didn't get depressed. At first she had been alright with getting married to Chord because they were going to be together like she had always hoped. She had high hopes for the two of them. It was gradual. First she stopped finding little things funny, then slowly she just stopped laughing all together, after that she started getting mad about stuff that she never would have been mad at, then finally the tears started to come more and more often. Kayleigh knew that it wasn't Chord's fault, she never blamed him. She blamed herself. But the thing was.. Admitting she had a problem had been hard at first. She blamed Chord and took everything out on him instead of admitting that she had a serious problem.
Picturing her life without Chord was impossible. Even when she talked to her lawyer about how they needed the divorce, she still pictured him in her life. He'd been hers for over five years, and she didn't want to share him with anyone else. She just felt like it was necessary, like he didn't want to be around anyway so she should just file for it and save him the trouble. After she filed for the paperwork, she had managed to drive herself and Madison back to the house, put her down for a nap, and curled up on the couch crying for hours about the thought of losing Chord; losing her Chord. There was no Kayleigh without Chord. She stayed silent as he spoke, nodding gently at his words. Perfect sounded nice. The hope bubbled up in her stomach, just wishing that her inner demons would disappear so she could make Chord happy. "Thank you," she practically whispered. "I don't know what made me lucky enough to deserve you, but thank you so much. I love you.. And.. I don't want to be without you. You and Maddy are the best things to ever happen to me." Kayleigh lifted her hands to rest on top of his on her cheek, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. He gave her hope -- something she didn't exactly get all that often anymore. That's all she could ask for.
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Post by chord on Jul 23, 2011 13:13:34 GMT -5
With time Chord had started to blame himself for their problems. Maybe if he hadn't been putting so much effort into trying to become a musician, he could have gone to college and gotten a real job. Then he wouldn't be working weird hours as a bus-boy and maybe he'd have more time to spend with his family. The blame Chord put on himself began to pile up more and more, he constantly felt like he was drowning when he was at home, around Kayleigh. He felt like there was an anchor tied to him, refusing to let him swim back up to the surface. So he broke the anchor and simply never came home one night. Then the night turned into two days, a week, a month. There hadn't been a day where he didn't think about his wife and Madison, but for once, he had felt he could breathe easy again.
But as soon as he'd heard about her wanting a divorce, his world came crashing down and once again, Chord found himself drowning. He'd turned off the computer and told Beatrice he needed to go take out the garbage. Outside his apartment, he punched the brick wall and then rested his head against it. Crying. Had he really let it come down to this? As she spoke, Chord let out a quiet exhale, so happy to hear that she loved him. Still loved him. "I'm never going to let myself lose you." He just couldn't imagine a life without her, nor did he want to. Kissing her forehead once more, he bent down so they were eye-to-eye. "We're going to sit down and talk this through, tonight. Okay?" He offered her a small smile, hoping to see one cross her face too.
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Post by kayleigh on Jul 23, 2011 22:41:09 GMT -5
The odd thing about the current situation was that neither of them were blaming each other. They were sitting there, blaming themselves, running from everything and acting like immature idiots. Kayleigh knew that she had to grow up. Nothing felt real, though. The world felt like it was moving and she just.. Wasn't. She was staying in a single place, being forced to grow up when she just wanted to be a normal nineteen year old. That option had passed over her though when she had gotten pregnant and then engaged.. Then married.. Kayleigh had wanted to go to college, to get married after a couple years of schooling. But that plan was ruined. Kayleigh couldn't afford to go to school, so she was stuck as a secretary until their family stopped having issues. Her lawyer was asking for a lot of money for the divorce, and she had no idea what would happen if they ever did go through with it. She would be losing the most important person in her life.
Just seeing a smile on Chord's face was enough to make her tears stop finally, the smallest smile possible appearing on her lips. It wasn't much, but it was something. Just knowing that he was there made everything feel the tiniest bit better. He was the only person in the world other than Maddy that could do that. She loved that about him. Even when she felt at her worst, he made that low feel a little bit higher. "Okay. Thank you." She felt as if there were never enough thank you's in the world that she could say. It meant the world to her that he didn't just up and leave her. That he actually chased her like she had hoped for. She would have understood if he hadn't. She was terrible lately.
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