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Post by ehren on Jul 21, 2011 17:27:53 GMT -5
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july eighteenth, eight-oh-five pm. mood: flying.
i don't really know how i'm supposed to start this kind of thing. i mean, yeah.. i'll admit to keeping a journal when i was in grade school, but it was never about anything serious. well, it wasn't until the moment my mom left us.. but when that happened, i just stopped writing. about anything and everything. no notes in school, no answers on tests, no letters to my family. i guess that's normal though, right? traumatic experiences lead to messed up routines and habits. at least, that's what my therapist says. on the bright side.. i graduated, and that's saying something. i mean, it was barely.. but i passed. i guess the only thing i'm really worried about is carter. since i'm moved out, he doesn't really have anyone besides my dad, and even though i love my old man.. he's not the best role model. but who am i to say is a good one? i haven't accomplished much in nineteen years. i smoke every day, and i work at a business supply outlet. i guess the only thing worth being proud of is the fact that i don't sleep around, and that i'm there for my brother when he needs me. on a brighter note.. i've got a new roommate. she used to live next door, and she used to complain about the weed smoke getting into her apartment. actually, i'm pretty sure she threatened to call the cops on me once. ha. that didn't last long, though. she gave in after a while and started smoking it herself again. but anyways, she's back from brazil or something, and the obnoxiously nice boyfriend she was with didn't come back with her. her name's becca, in case i forgot to mention. she's pretty cool, if i'm being honest, and it's easy living with her. it might sound kind of weird, but.. i like having a girl around. i kind of forgot what it felt like since my mom was taken out of the picture. it's just the little things that remind of before, but it still means a lot. oh, and when i talk about the little things, it's the fact that she has her own shampoo, and what seems like hundreds of purses, and shoes. shoes everywhere. it just reminds me of home. the real home, y'know? before everything happened, before my dad tossed all her stuff, before the move, before i shut down. i guess what i mean to say is.. having becca around makes me happy, and though i didn't expect it, i can't say i'm disappointed. |
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Post by ehren on Jul 21, 2011 17:28:22 GMT -5
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july nineteenth, two-thirty-five pm. mood: flying.
i guess i should talk a little bit about the new condo, since i haven't had much of a chance to. to start, i should probably say that's is pretty swank. becca's family has a lot of money, from what i can gather. her mom's some fashion designer or something. i can't really remember the specifics, but she's loaded. which in turn means becca pretty loaded. which means i'm living in a sweet house. i don't really know how to describe it, but you could definitely fit a decent sized family in here.. it's more space than mine ever had, to put it simply. i don't pay for much since i'm broke most of the time, but instead of keeping up with rent, i just give her weed. it's a pretty good deal, and i guess i should feel bad that i can't contribute much, but it's not like she really needs my help anyway.
while we're on the subject of money.. i worked the morning shift today, which sucks. but on the bright side, that means i'm out early enough to pick carter up from soccer camp. he called yesterday in tears because all the other kids could score a goal, and he couldn't kick the ball straight enough to get it in the net. i feel bad for the little guy sometimes. he isn't the most athletic kid in the world, and he gets picked on a lot for his size. i guess you could say he's a bit of a runt, but the doctor claims it's some sort of growth defect. he'll get past it eventually, but for the moment he's just a six year old that looks like he's four. only problem is.. i don't really know what to do with him after i pick him up. i guess an ice cream or a slushie would be a pretty good idea since it's so hot out, and i could bring him back to the condo to watch a movie and introduce him to becca.. yeah, he'd like that. he's been asking about her recently.. and the way he asks about her? it's almost like he knows her. he has this incredible way of reading people, and figuring out just what they're like. he just might be a genius or something.
but anyways, it's just after three and his camp is over in twenty minutes so i should probably finish this off and get going. oh, and i've got another session with my therapist tonight. she's a pretty spectacular woman.
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Post by ehren on Jul 26, 2011 18:27:04 GMT -5
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july twenty-sixth, seven-thirty-one pm. mood: flying.
so i know i'm not very good at keeping up with this thing, but i've actually been busy for once in my life. i took carter to the beach the other day with becca, and he love every minute of it. it makes me wonder if dad really ever takes him out anywhere, and what they do together.. if they do anything at all. it pisses me off that he can't see carter's potential, because that kid could be anything he wanted to be if someone would just take the time to listen to him. i mean, i do that as much as i can, but it's not enough. i want to be a proper role model, but i'm never going to get the chance to change his life if i can only see him for an hour every few days.
carter stayed over that night, and while he passed out in my bed, becca and i watched one of the narnia movies. to be honest, it sucked, but it's a cool story. well, i didn't even know it was a story until i saw it on the shelf at the library. i actually borrowed it, and i've been reading through it whenever i can catch a break. it's pretty spectacular, but it disturbs me a little that such an old man could have such a vivid imagination. i'm only nineteen, and i can't think up worlds in wardrobes.
i guess the real question is, where does our imagination even go? we spend so much time using it when we're little, and one day we wake up and it's gone. i hate to be the guy that uses the line, 'youth is wasted on the young', but sometimes i think it's true. i wish i could disappear back into my childhood and run around fighting imaginary soldiers. hell, i'd even do it now if i could, but every time i try, i can't force my mind to picture vast battlefields and hoards of enemies running towards me. so, i guess i'm stuck watching movies instead.
and again, on the topic of movies.. becca and i watched the other narnia movie last night. prince capsian or something. anyways, the guy kind of looks like a tranny.. and again, it was crap. they seriously need to invest in better actors, or maybe scripts. the movies don't do the books justice.. not that i'm going to read the others. but uh, yeah. we started talking about movie theaters and stuff, and becca asked if i wanted to go see one with her since i haven't actually been to the theater in years. i honestly didn't know what to say. i mean, it kind of freaked me out. not in a bad way.. just. i haven't been out with a girl in two years, and even though we're not going like that, i still chickened out. so.. apparently i'm working tonight, which means i'm going to have to find something to do for a few hours to keep me out of the condo. way to go, ehren.
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