today was your last day , [tucker]

[ilyssa]

ily didn't know what the fuck was even going on anymore. all she knew, was that she needed to grow up at that moment because she was acting like a complete idiot. ian had lost his temper, and he'd lost it over tucker. the reality of how over dramatic she was being hit the second she saw jaz and ian storm out of the house, unsure of what was going on. she was acting so stupid, ruining her own friendship just like she had figured she had. but.. cuddling him.. and.. ugh. ily's head was killing her as she got into mr. conrad's car and headed to the hospital to meet up with jaz and wait for tucker. no nurse or anyone came out for what seemed like forever. when the nurse finally did come out, ily was on her feet in seconds, asking if she could go see him. she needed to know that he was okay, even if she was scared to see just how badly ian had hurt him.

rushing into the room, ily almost fell flat on her face as she came to a stop. she walked over and sat in the chair next to tucker, looking at him sadly. "tucker.." she mumbled, wrinkling her eyebrows together. "are you okay? shit, that's a stupid question. er.. oh god. you look like crap.. please tell me you're going to be okay? how bad do i have to yell at ian? i'm so so sorry, this is all my fault, i was being stupid. just tell me you're going to be okay. what's hurt? is anything broken? do you want me to get you anything? what'd the doctor say? oh god, sorry, i'll shut up." ily did a fake zip over her lips, pursing her lips together and leaning closer, feeling absolutely horrible to see him like that, especially if ian had lost his temper because of her being upset. the last time she'd looked that miserable had been when their dad had disappeared on them four years ago, and it was probably just a shock. but ily still couldn't believe ian had gone that far. it killed her a little inside.

[tucker indiana trent]

Tucker didn't like to think of himself as a bad person, but when it came down to it, he tended to do really stupid things. It wasn't that he intentionally fucked up bonds and ruined relationships, but his best intentions often went quite haywire, and by the time he realized he was wrong in doing what he was doing, it was usually too late. The perfect example, though really, there were many in his life, was now. Groaning softly, Tuck let his eyes flicker open the nurse gently woke him up, informing him of a visitor he had outside. Visitor? Who the hell was- oh. Ily. Though all of the 'group' were close and hung out together, Tucker had always felt especially close to Ily. She was the youngest one, a girl, and the combination of the two made Tucker extreme protective over her. As if Ian wasn't watchful enough over her, Tuck had always found it to be his duty to make sure everything was okay with her. The same applied to Jazzy, the other girl in the group- but for whatever reason, he had never had as much as a soft spot for Jazz as he had for Ily.

Letting his head fall back against the pillow, Tuck tried to shake some curls out of his eyes, to no avail. "Dammit.. ", he muttered under his breath, wrinkling his nose, before letting out a gasp of pain, followed by a stream of swears. His face felt hot and sore everywhere, but above all else, his nose felt like it had been lit on fire and his left cheek felt like it had been run over by a fucking bulldozer. Glancing over at her, Tuck managed to flash her a small grin, trying to make light of the situation, though that was proving to be difficult. Especially because it was Ily here, not anyone else.. as of last night, Tucker wasn't sure how to act around Ily anymore. The sight of her made him feel terribly uncomfortable, but unfortunately, he was stuck with her presence now. "Ils- er, I mean.. Ily.. s'fine," Tuck told her with a small nod, before letting out a yelp of pain as his hands flew gingerly to his cheek, "Chillax a bit.. er.. yeah. He said my face is well swollen.. obviously.. and, er, my nose is broken in two different spots. And my left cheekbone is, er, fractured.. which makes sense, cos I feel like I got hit by a fucking truck. "

[ilyssa]

doing stupid things seemed to be common place for all of the people in the group. ily was one of the perfect examples of that. being the youngest in the group, she hated that she usually ended up being the least mature one. thing was, ilyssa was just trying to be happy. running away to new york for two weeks hadn't exactly been the best way to show that she was mature, but it had happened nearly two months ago now. her dad had come back into the picture, forcing her back home with the fact that he was making an attempt. when it really came down to it, ily knew how to be mature. she was a lot more mature than she came off a lot of the time, but that day and the night before had been terrible for her. she'd taken a couple too many pills earlier that day and had a couple drinks, leaving her moping around like a complete idiot. suicidal thoughts hadn't even really been in her mind all that much, she'd just had no control over her mouth.

maturity at that moment was something that ily hadn't even needed to force upon herself. when she heard what happened, she shoved the previous night into the back of her mind and put on a straight face, knowing that she had to be there for her best friend. tucker had always been the one guy that she was closest with, and she had gone and made it the most awkard situation for everyone. she was confused, and she knew it. ily did stupid stuff when she was confused, and she knew that. but the thing was, she was always the one that kept quiet about stuff. she tried to avoid the drama, didn't tell guys she liked them, all that fun stuff. but with tucker it was hard not to say anything. it was hard not to kiss him when they were laying on the park bench cuddling. it was hard not to be comfortable, and she liked that safety blanket of knowing he was there when other people weren't. green eyes went wide when tucker mentioned the fact that his nose was broken and his cheek was fractured. ian had definitely lost it. "oh god.. they got you pain meds and stuff, right? and it'll heal straight and whatever? holy shit.. i'm so sorry." ily ran a hand through her hair as it fell over her face, swallowing hard. she felt completely at fault, even if she hadn't been the one to tell ian.

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[tucker indiana trent]

Tucker let out the softest of sighs, his eyes flickering over Ily. Today, in short, had been a pretty shitty day. From people getting angry at him because of Lydia, to people bitching at him because of Ily, he felt like he'd seen it all. After his conversation with Lydia just a few hours ago, Tuck had practically felt his heart snap and break all over again. And okay, so maybe people did have the right to be rude about him fancying her, because she technically was his mum.. but strangely enough, when Jazzy and Ian got mad at him for leading Ily on, Tucker felt impartial. It wasn't that he didn't care, but he couldn't connect their feelings of anger to what had actually happened. He felt detached and though Ian's beating had reminded Tucker he'd done something wrong, Tuck didn't feel all that guilty. Despite the fact that practically half of his face was broken because of it.. Tucker didn't regret snuggling with Ily even a little bit.

To him, it wasn't leading her on. It was being a good friend and comforting her when she felt like there was little hope. What was so wrong about that? Tucker knew he was dyslexic, but he often found himself feeling like his mind was on a completely different planet from everyone elses. Things he thought were normal were apparently entirely out of line, and things that others considered ordinary blew his mind. "Yeah, 'course..," Tucker told Ily, addressing her question with a somewhat goofy grin, "I'm all drugged up. You should film a video of me being absolutely fucked right now and post it on Youtube." Rolling his eyes at his own suggestion, Tuck let his index finger run gently down the side of his cheek, wincing. "They reckon it'll be fine.. what d'you think? Does it look deformed? It feels weird.. and stuffs," he told her with a small shrug, eying her out of the corner of his eye, biting his lip. She was pretty, obviously, but he just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact she liked him. It just seemed too weird. Extending his arm, he reached for her hand, trying to bring it up to his face, "Does it feel weird to you? And.. s'not your fault, Ils.. "

[ilyssa]

ily's life was focused around a certain group of things. her friends, her brother, and work. she didn't really give herself time for much other than that, besides stealing random stuff even though she had a job to pay for her own stuff. stealing just made it all the more adventurous. at first she'd done it in hopes of getting caught after her dad left. a cry for attention. but ever since then she had just kept doing it. her favorite pair of shoes was a two hundred dollar pair of boots that she had managed to steal from some random store. okay, it was a little extreme, but she loved the thrill of it. she never stole anything that expensive, other than the boots, in case she did end up having to pay. how she'd managed to steal them was beyond her. pure luck, most likely. usually she just stuck to stuff like soft pretzels or hats or random accessories, then paid for everything else and got it from pac sun where she got the joy of an employee discount on the clothes.

tucker hadn't really lead ily on, now that she truly thought of it. they always cuddled, it was nothing new to either of them to curl up together and have ily bury her face in his neck with his curly hair blending with hers. it was always comfortable, as if tucker was the missing puzzle piece to her. ily ignored that thought though, pretending as if it hadn't even gone there. she laughed lightly at his suggestion. "no way. if i pulled out my phone and started recording you'd probably strip down like last time you were drunk and make me chase you through the halls." ily couldn't help but hold back a smirk when he asked if he looked deformed. "you look like shit. but it does look like it'll heal alright." she blinked, resting her hand gently on his cheek and running her thumb across the skin as carefully as she could. it felt as if he was sunburned or something, when the skin gets extra warm in that place. she tilted her head to the side a bit and pulled her hand back. "feels like your face is sunburned, tuckster. .. it is too. if i wouldn't have overreacted then this wouldn't have happened." she shrugged, fidgeting in her seat a bit.

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[tucker indiana trent]

Tucker tilted his head to the side, listening to Ily speak, before letting out a loud laugh. He'd stripped down when she'd pulled her camera out? It seemed like so strange of an idea now, but if he took into account how drunk he probably was, it didn't seem strange at all. "Oh, pshtttt. Don't deny it, you loved me in my trouserss," he sang with a grin, though now that he thought about it, Tuck couldn't help but feel bad. Had she liked him then? Tucker blinked and tried to imagine if he had been in her shoes in that situation. Biting his lip, he imagined Lydia running through the halls in underwear, and couldn't help but feel extremely bad for Ily. He'd just about die if Lyd did that sort of thing.. so he could only imagine what if had been like for Ily. "Er.. but sorry 'bout that, for the record," Tuck clarified with a small wave, flashing her a sheepish grin. Taken aback as she finished her other statement, Tucker let his mouth drop into an obnoxiously wide gape. "You kidding me, mate?! This is when you're supposed to tell me that I'm well beautiful and look fucking brilliant!" he exclaimed with a mock frown, tutting his tounge playfully at her. "There goes my self esteem. Guess I better go live under a rock, now."

Feeling her fingers gently brush over his face, Tucker let out a soft, almost relaxed sigh. For whatever reason, he was big on physical contact, and loved having people touch him. Whether it was sexual, or more typically clean (though honestly, how could people expect him to not like the sexual kind of touching?), Tucks loved just holding people. Snuggling with Ily had always been normal, so when Jazzy told him he coudn't do that this morning, he'd been particularly gutted. "Sunburned?," Tucker echoed with a small nod, tilting his head to the side adorably, "It hurtssss. Kiss it better, Ily!" The second the words left his mouth, Tuck regretted saying them in the first place. He hated this. Yesterday afternoon saying that would have been absolutely fine, but as of now, it wasn't. Smile fading slightly, he shook his head, secretely hating how she was no longer touching his face. "Nah, mate. You were well in your place to react like that.. I shouldn't have, er.. provoked him. "

[ilyssa]

it would have been a lie if ily said that she didn't like seeing tucker without a shirt, or even without pants. even before she'd liked him, it wasn't like she would have ever complained about seeing the british kid with less clothes than normal. it wasn't like he was fat or anything, that was for certain. she'd always crack jokes to him in the past about putting a shirt on and what not, but it was all just fun and games. "oh yes, of course," she retorted sarcastically, rolling her eyes. of course, if tuck was in her brain then he'd know that the sarcasm was mostly just to save her own ass from further embarrassment. she'd been open enough in the last two days, she didn't need to be ruining the light feeling of the mood right then. seriousness wasn't one of ily's strong suits. "s'fine. you were shitfaced, so i kind of expected it at some point." she cracked up as he made a face at her comment, giving him a fake innocent smile. "oopsie, guess i forgot. oh well, too late to lie now." ily grinned, nodding. "there's a big rock in the park that'd be perfect size to live under. i think i heard it calling your name before."

physical contact was comforting for ily, and she knew that tucker was comforted by it all the same. it was something that they had in common, that was for sure. every time they'd be hanging out she'd be touching him in some nonsexual way. bumping his arm playfully, holding his hand, cuddling, playful kisses on the cheek.. it was all relaxing just to have occuring, especially with tucker. being uncomfortable with touching him or kissing him on the cheek or anything just didn't feel right. it was all her fault, but she couldn't help how she felt. she could have easily just done what she'd done with zan and keep her crush a secret until it disappeared, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. it was impossible hiding stuff from someone who knew her better than she knew herself. a bright blush fell over her lips as tucker told her to kiss it better, biting on her lip. under normal circumstances she would have in a heartbeat. but this wasn't a normal circumstance in anyway. however, after pausing for a second, she leaned out of her chair and kissed his cheek, hardly brushing her lips against his skin in order not to hurt him. she plopped back in her seat, not really having much emotion on her face. "better?" she asked, giving a soft smile. her hair fell over her face again as she shook her head, but she ignored the strands covering her eyes. "no, i was being immature. it was stupid."

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[tucker indiana trent]

Hearing her response to him running around in his boxers, Tucker beamed, and winked playfully at her. Even if he wasn't flirting with her, he loved playful banter just the same.. especially this sort of thing. Despite the fact that Jazzy had claimed Ily had liked him forever, Tucker still couldn't wrap his mind around it. There had to have been a start to her liking him- but where? When had forever started? Brushing some of his curls out of his eyes, Tuck smiled warmly at her, rolling his eyes at the rock comments while letting out a soft chuckle. "Just call me Patrick Star. You can be Sandy, yeah? Or.. nah, you're more of a Squidward, Ils." Smirking, because he knew anyone in their right mind would hate being compared to Squidward, Tucks playfully patted her on the top of her head.

Biting his lip, Tucker couldn't help but watch her out of the corner of his eye. There was no doubting she was pretty.. very pretty, actually. So why had she ever bothered to like someone like Tucker? Tucks knew he wasn't terrible looking, but he also knew that he was quite the handful, and had a tendency to fuck things up spectacularly. Why would she willingly subject herself to liking someone like that? Before Tucker could furthur analyze her crush, he felt her soft, somewhat farmiliar lips on his cheek, and he was fidgeting in the hospital bed to stop himself from doing something stupid. He didn't like her and he knew that.. but at the same time, this was Ily. It was just all too tempting to turn around and kiss her, because even though it would be furthur fucking things up, it would be the type of physical contact that Tucker loved more than anything. He hadn't had a girlfriend in what felt like ages, and though he didn't like to think of himself as desperate or needy.. he just missed the feeling. And physical contact came so easily when he was around Ily, so it only seemed natural to put two and two together.. but no. Tucker didn't like Ily like that. "Yeah," he murmured, shivering slightly but refusing to meet her gaze, "Better. And.. no, Ily. I shouldn't have.. y'know. Snuggledwithyouandkissedyoubut- He cut himself off, leaning forwards slightly to tuck a bit of hair that had been obscuring her vision behind her ear, before continuing. "I just.. dunno. I'm too much of a twat to know what's right and what's wrong."

[ilyssa]

forever wasn't exactly the way to describe how long ily liked tucker. it was more like a few months, maybe a little more. she wasn't even sure what had made her realize the feelings, but the butterflies had started kicking in and it just felt right, but wrong at the same time. that's exactly why she kept her mouth shut for so long. she didn't want to ruin their friendship, and the second she let it slip to jazzy, she knew it was only a matter of time before she let it slip to tucker himself. ily was usually really good with secrets, but tucker was one person that she just couldn't keep something from him forever. she'd hoped to just keep it from him until she got over him, then crack a joke about it sometime in the future. the longer the crush went on though, the more she realized that it was going to be impossible to hold herself back. "pshft! i'm most definitely sandy, not squidward." she stuck her tongue out at him when he patted her head, rolling her eyes at the motion at always made her feel like such a little kid.

no matter how many times jazzy tried to convince ily that she was pretty, she was insecure about her looks. she had been the girl through middle school with braces and glasses that no guy ever really wanted to date. it wasn't until this past year that she actually put an effort into her looks. it started with getting her braces off, which lead to her convincing her mother she was old enough for contacts, and she put her fashion vocation to good work and completely redid her wardrobe. sitting next to tucker though, she felt like that nerdy little girl that no guy ever wanted to date again. it really didn't help that she'd misplaced her contacts so she was stuck wearing her glasses and she had cried all her makeup off earlier that day. she nodded very gently, staying where she was and trying not to move at all as he started to speak again. her stomach felt as if it was doing cartwheels inside of her. just as she was about to furrow her eyebrows together, she felt tucker pushing her hair out of her face and her entire body relaxed just for a moment before she gave him a sad look. "we always snuggle, i was stupid to have made anything of it last night. you had good intentions, like always. you're not a twat, tuck.. i get it, i'm just ilyssa, the little sister. it's what i'll always be. i've become content with my forever alone-itude, i just.. i wanted you to know, even if i know i don't stand a chance. i just don't want to see you miserable with or over someone else.. you're my best friend.." she looked away from him, fidgeting with her hands in her lap.

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[tucker indiana trent]

Tucker shrugged, eying her with a grin. “Coulda fooled me, Squiddo,” he told her playfully, tempted to ruffle up her hair again, but he knew she wouldn’t be too crazy about that. For that small instant in time, things seemed normal again- and then, of course, the conversation got serious. Shifting in his seat, Tucker gripped his own hands tightly, trying to find at least some comfort in the situation. “Ily.. ,” he trailed off, but as she continued to speak, he found himself at a loss for words. In general he hated when people put themselves down like Ily was doing to herself, but unfortunately.. everything she was saying had some kind of truth to it. She was just Ian’s little sister, which technically wasn’t a bad thing, but it was true. She had been overreacting to the snuggling, but they did do it all the time. Tuck didn’t want to see her upset like this, but he didn’t quite know what to say, and he definitely didn’t want to cross the line between friendship and leading her on.

Though he didn’t have a clue where this boundary was, being lectured by Jazzy had informed him that there was indeed some sort of distinction, and he had to avoid it at all costs. “You’re not just Ian’s little sister. You’re like.. my best mate. And you don’t act like a kid at all.. you’re well mature and fun and stuffs..” Tucker trailed off, frowning slightly, before finally looking up at her, “Do.. do you really think you’ll be forever alone?” Shaking his head, he kept his hands clasped tightly together, as if holding hands with himself, while hating how he knew he couldn’t hold Ily’s hand. “I hate this fucking line.. ,” Tucks finally muttered to himself.

[ilyssa]

one of ily's biggest weaknesses was how much she cared about the people around her. she put so much effort into her friends and family, that she never really got time to talk about herself or worry about her own problems. she was much too busy listening to everyone else's lives to ever truly understand her own. even when she did take a step back to think about herself, she just looked down on herself and looked up to those around her. jaz always yelled at ily and told her she didn't see her own beauty, and it was true. she just didn't see how she could find herself beautiful when nobody around her ever assured her that she was. confidence didn't come easily for her unless it came to fashion. that was one thing she was more than sure about, but when it came to looking in a mirror, she just didn't see it. nobody ever told her just how beautiful she was, so she assumed she just looked like that nerdy girl like she had for years. ily rolled her eyes at his comment, pushing her glasses up a bit on her nose.

looking at tucker had never been so hard before in her life. she stared down at her hands, holding back the tears that were fighting to break through yet again. she wanted to just yell then why don't you like me? if i'm all the stuff you said lydia was, why not? instead, she kept her mouth shut. now wasn't the time to be pulling idiotic questions out of her ass and making stuff even more awkward than they already were. her grip on her own hands was painful, so she let go of herself and clung to the chair. she bit down on her lip, closing her eyes to take a deep breath to hold back the tears. opening them again, she looked at tucker for a moment before looking back down. "yeah, i do." ily furrowed her eyebrows in frustration, still not looking at him. "line?"

[tucker indiana trent]

For the millionth time in their conversation, Tucker felt like a complete and utter twat. Shifting in his bed, he tried to pretend that he didn't notice the tears welling up in her eyes, but it was proving to be quite difficult. He reached a hand up to ruffle his hair, messing it up a bit, in a weak attempt to distract himself. Which obviously didn't work, because a mere few seconds later, Tucks found his gaze wandering over to Ily. Fuck. Was she gonna cry? "I.. Ils. Don't cry.. ," he muttered, wrinkling his nose instinctivley, before letting out a loud gasp of pain. Tucker couldn't stop moving his face, despite the great pain that he put himself through each time that he did so. Sighing quietly, his brown gaze fixated on her face, before Tucks forced himself to look away. He had to pull himself together. Sure, he hated seeing her hurt, but there was nothing he could do but lie or lead her on. And both of those would just make things worse in the long run, right?

He tried to make himself not focus on how upset she seemed, but the moment she admitted that yes, she did think she would be forever alone, Tucker felt his heart lurch painfully. Fucking hell. "I" he murmured, looking over at her to make eye contact, "You're not.. you'll find someone, Ils.. " As tentative and unsure of his answer as Tucker may have seemed, in his heart he knew it was true. She was definitely more beautiful than she knew, more beautiful than most girls Tuck had had the pleasure to know, and he hated more than anything how she could not see it. Watching her sigh, Tucker fidgeted again in his bed, before leaning forwards and reaching for Ily's hand. "You're beautiful," he told her softly, but firmly, as he held a secure grip on her hand. He meant it more than anything. As she questioned what exactly the line was, Tucker shook his head, frustrated, not daring to let go his slight grip on her. "I.. y'know. The line that says I'm leading you on, and like.. that.. gah. the line that says I can't do this," Tucks blurted out, holding her hand with both of his, "Or this, " he continued, lacing their fingers together. "Or.. this, " Tucks finally finished, leaning in close to Ily, resting his forehead as gently as he could against hers, their lips only mere centimeters apart.

[ilyssa]

no matter how many times tucker had ever messed something up or said he was a twat or anyone put him down, ily just couldn't look down on him. he was one of the farthest things from perfect, but he was the perfect tucker. he saw the world different than everyone else, and ily liked that. the more time that they had ever spent together, the more they had in common. he'd helped her see the world differently than she always had, but sometimes it just felt like she was alone. times when they would cuddle or hold hands and she had butterflies, she sat there knowing he wouldn't get those feelings about her because she was just the baby ilyssa. no matter how mature she acted, or how much she tried to impress him, she was just the best friend. the friend zone fucking sucked, that was for sure.

of course, being told not to cry made everything worse. she squeezed her eyes shut a moment longer, doing everything in her power to not let the lump in her throat force the tears to start falling down her face. she couldn't cry, she'd cried enough. her eyes felt like they were going to be permanently puffy, and she hated that feeling. she hadn't cried that much in years. she could see out of the corner of her eyes that he was trying to make eye contact, but she couldn't look at him. he seemed sure that she would find someone, but she was beyond sure that she wouldn't. she'd gone sixteen years alone, and she would probably go sixteen more years alone. at least, that's how she saw it. however, hearing you're beautiful just happened to push the tears to the edge. one fell from her eyes, trailing its way down her cheek. "thenwhycan'tyoulikeme?" she whispered, hardly even audible to herself. she looked at their hands, her lip quivering as she finally looked to make eye contact when tucker's face was centimeters away. her breath caught in her throat, closing her eyes tight and scared to open them in case everything disappeared. as hard as she tried to avoid it, she couldn't hold back the urge to bring her lips to his. one hand lifted to rest carefully on his cheek as her lips met his, too terrified to pull away and find out none of this was real.

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[tucker indiana trent]

Tucker felt his heart sink more than before, as his instructions for her failed, and as soon as he told her not to cry, tears began to well up in her eyes. Fucking hell. There was nothing he hated more than seeing people upset, so to have Ily be this worked up, because of him, was almost more than he could take. Tucks wanted to kiss her and tell her that it’d be all right so much, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. Though Tucker had a huge heart, lately he’d found himself being quite afraid of love. After Faithe had broken up with him, despite Tucker being practically head over heels for her, Tucks had had difficulty trusting people, let alone loving them. Annie had broken his heart, too, before Faithe had- and weeks after Faithe had left him like that, Tucker’s own mum had gone and shattered any and all hope he had left in love, by fucking his family over and getting them even more split up. As much as Tuck had hated how his mum was an alcoholic who didn’t seem to care, he had loved her, and so to be taken away from her had been heart-wrenching, to say the least. And that didn’t even include being taken away from Ferris- even though he and Tucker were twins, because Ferris had downs syndrome, he had been placed in a special type of foster home, where Tucker was not included.

Tuck had hoped that declaring himself as asexual would have ended all of the love issues in his life. It made sense- without liking people, there was no way that Tucker could have his heart broken again. Right? But then Lydia had come along, been the mother and woman that he had always dreamed of, and Tuck had dropped the asexuality cover almost immediately. Shivering at the memories, Tucker froze as a tear trickled from Ily’s dark eyes and rolled down her face. Christ. Before he could react, though, the very words that he was dreading tumbled right out of her mouth. Licking his lips, Tuck let his lips part open, in a slight gape. He hesitated, lost for words, before shaking his head and looking down, before whispering a tiny, “I.. I don’t know.” Feeling her body tremble the very slightest at his touch, Tucker gazed up into her watery eyes, and suddenly knew what was coming. Her lips, just like last night, pressed gently onto his; so softly, that despite his broken face, Tuck wasn’t hurting at all. And because he wasn’t hurting.. he kissed her back. Moving his lips in sync with hers, Tuck murmuring a “this is bad,” before continuing to give in for a few more moments. Finally pulling away, Tucker bowed his head and scooched a bit away from her on the bed, not knowing what the hell to do now. “Thatwasdefinitelycrossingtheline,” he finally muttered, a slight frown spread across his face.

[ilyssa]

ily had had her fair share of heart break. sure, she'd never actually dated, but she'd had her heart broken. by family, by friends, by crushes. having her father just up and leave the family for four years had left ily hard to trust guys for quite a while. she'd cried for days, weeks, until finally there wasn't any more tears about the situation. ian's temper had caused her to cry more times than she could count when they were younger, not so much since their dad had left and come back. zan had broken ilyssa's heart more than once, when she had liked him way back when. jazzy broke her heart every time that she left her when she was sad or whenever she was down. her father had caused her to be scared to actually settle down, worried that the guy would up and leave like her dad had.. but she had gotten over that. she knew that her dad was just an unreliable person, she couldn't let him shape her life like that.

at one point in time ily had considered going gay like dimi and kari were, but she just couldn't bring herself to it. she liked the feeling of a guy holding her, or kissing her. she just hated that she let her emotions get the best of her more times than none. right then was a perfect example. she knew how bad it was to be kissing him, but she didn't make a move to pull away, even when tucker pointed it out. her mind was racing a million miles an hour when he finally pulled away, fidgeting with her hands in her lap again as he scooted away. ily leaned back a bit in her seat, pulling her knees up to her chest and looking anywhere but at tucker. she pushed her glasses up again, really wishing for her contacts, but that thought disappeared quickly. "i.. sorry.." despite how sincere she sounded, ily really didn't feel sincere about it. she didn't understand why she kept apologizing for kissing him when she wasn't sorry for it.

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